Moments

Intentional living. Our discussion on Sunday was about this complex set of words. The dawn of this discussion rose out of a study of the sixth chapter of Matthew’s Gospel. Our discussion was led by my teacher, my friend, John Park.

The red letter words of Christ led to open discussion about what we worry about or what we place value upon. The list was filled with obvious and some not so obvious examples. Most would fall under the broader headings of money, family and pleasures. Everything from shopping to the cost of college education was written on the white board. Practical needs to guilty pleasures.

The teacher guided us along the path that Jesus tread so many years ago. We create the worries or inflate the values with intent. So why, did the teacher inquire, can we not instead live with the intentions that Christ commanded?

As I listened to John’s words and the responses and contributions of the class participants my thoughts focused on one word, moments. I considered the moments in my life when the decisions I made leaned away from God’s teachings. Yes there were moments that leaning would be a grossly inadequate description, running and hiding would more satisfactorily describe many of the choices I have made. But regardless of the degree of rebellion there was always a moment when my decision to do right or wrong was made.  

 I recalled the moments when Christ told me to take His hand, to trust Him. But I couldn’t because of what I held in my own hand; worries, money, family or pleasures. Our hands are full of what we want, what we love. The more it means to us the tighter our grip. 

If I took His hand it would mean first letting go.

I glanced at the words written on the white board, how many of those pseudo-tenets had prevented me from understanding the red letter words of Jesus Christ? Then I realized that valuing life had been left off this list of Self. An internal debate began in my own mind. Is it possible to cherish life more than the Giver of Life? 

Would I die for Him?

Suddenly on Sunday morning, sitting in Trinity Baptist Church, I had a moment. Not a moment of choice but a moment of learning, learning about how we should value life.

I sat in my chair watching and listening to our teacher, John Park.  Those of you who do not know John also wouldn’t know that he is facing cancer. The doctor’s prognosis is not good. The time they have given him is too short. I sat and watched as he taught in the same manner he has for many years. No pleas for sympathy, no insipid heroic prose. The thing that I witnessed in John is the very thing that I have been searching for…contentment. It was not his contentment for living or dying, it is John's contentment for God’s decision, whatever it may be, that led to this moment.

When the time comes, surely too soon, John's hands will be empty, his life will be full and he will hear the red letter words come to life.

Moments.